Finders Keepers: A Review.

HFD Productions, “Finders Keepers,” 2014, google images.

Film: Finders Keepers.
Directed by: Alexander Yellan.
Released: 2014.
Running Time: 84 min.

This is an American horror film about a divorced/separated mother who moves into a house with a history with doll that her daughter finds that twists the little girl to its own ends.

Well…if there was ever a really bad movie, and I mean so bad that you question the sanity of the person who made this, and not in a good way, then you would half way have a film more decent then this!

This is a paint by numbers factory groaner that is good only if one wishes to play a drinking game of spot that cliché looking for an easy liver rot. While clichés can at times be sprinkled here and there in film, in some cases its almost unavoidable, there are so many in this one, some so outdated that any amateur filmmaker out of public school would not use them, that the entire piece is an almost fascinating artifact to educate children on what not to do in making a film.

I won’t delve too much into the special effects. It’s clear this is a B-movie or a made for TV movie, so there is some leeway, but still, I’ve seen better effects on an episode of Teletubbies, there wasn’t anything much else in the cinematography that makes it stand out.

Then there’s characters…whoo boy.

You can tell that most of the lead actors, particularly the mother, knew they had a stinker and decided to not even bother with much effort, just another paycheck piece for the bills. There is no identity or development for these people, they are so stiff and detached that the extras and side characters (a.k.a your red shirts for the next 80 minutes), were the only ones even mildly trying (geez Marina Sirtis, what did they offer you? A car made out of gold?).

The only glimmer of good about this film was the actress who played the little girl, who, while a typical archetype for this type of story, you can tell the was putting her all into it, with some genuinely good expressions and the only one of the main characters expressing any sort of attached realistic emotion to the plot.

Overall, an unmemorable story, lack luster performances, with the exception of the lead child actress, and an all-around bingo game of cliché inequity.

P.S

It’s worth noting that this movie is so bad that IMDb lists the starring role as the garbage man (in it for like 2 minutes without a speaking role). This is why I haven’t utilized actors names, since it’s difficult to hammer down who was who, let alone remember the names of these characters directly after watching this uninspired clap trap.

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